Dear Baby B... Part 2

Your arrival means many things. It means snuggles and diapers and exhaustion and some of the most precious moments of our lives as we get to know your sweet little soul. But on top of all those outward, expected changes, there's a lot more going on.

I'm realizing that I get to grow up with you. Not in the aging sort of way - I refuse to start wearing mom jeans or invest of lots primary color polo shirts - but in the becoming someone new sort of way. Because a lot of how you grow up over the next few years is determined by how I grow up in the next few years. You're coming into this world fresh and new and have to learn everything! And it falls to me and your dad to teach you... everything.

The two best books I've read about how to bring you up have been Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman and The Shaping of a Christian Family by Elisabeth Elliot. They've helped me see that as a parent I'm not raising you, I'm educating you, and not just in the sense of your ABC's and your colors. I'm teaching you what's normal, what a woman should behave like, what the world is like, what is acceptable and unacceptable - teaching you these things every moment of every day. If you hear me complain a lot, you'll learn that complaining is normal and, then, of course you will complain. If you hear me tell your dad how much I love him several times a day, then you will learn that affection is good and part of a healthy marriage. If you see me keep the house in order, then you will learn that things are meant to be kept in order.   In a given day you will be learning hundreds of different things from me - good and bad - and I doubt I'll be aware of more than 10% of what you're picking up. That's a whooole lot of responsibility.

I will probably teach you that it's OK if your bed isn't made every single day. I will almost definitely teach you that it's OK to be grumpy when you're hungry. But by God's grace I hope that I can grow up in all the most important ways so that I can educate you in all the most important things. By His grace I hope to teach you that you have a loving, amazing Heavenly Father who fills this world with hope even when everything seems dark and dreary. I want to teach you that what matters most in this life - far more than money, popularity, or worldly success - is to learn to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. To do that, I've got to be learning those things myself, growing in my understanding of them and, most importantly of all, living my life as though those things are the truest things in the world. God help me.

So, my darling baby girl, I apologize for all the ways that I'm going to screw up in what I teach you. Just remember that I'm growing up too and its a rough and tumble sort of roller coaster we're on together. We'll both screw up, but it shouldn't be any other way.

Dear Baby B... Part 1

We're one month (28 days) away from your due-date. Not so secretly, I hope we're actually closer to 14 or 21 days away from your arrival.  I feel like the past 8 months have flown - but now time is slowing down. I'm so ready for you to be here. So is your daddy - he's been ready even longer than I have been. "I feel like I'm at the starting line for a big race and no one will blow the whistle for it to start," he tells me - and has been telling me for about two or three months now. He's going to love you to pieces and spoil you like every daddy should, and I can't wait to see him at it. You're one lucky little girl!

Your room is ready for you - I've even put things up on the walls and color coordinated all the decorations! Your clothes are all washed, folded and sorted into drawers by size. I hope you're little because you have the cutest collection of 3 month clothes I've ever seen. We just bought the last "must-have" before you arrive - your car seat! I want to go get it professionally put in the car, but we'll see if daddy lets me. He seemed a little offended when I suggested doing that.... He man. He put together crib (perfectly!) and install car seat. I woman. I worry about nursery colors and making actual baby.

I can't wait to dress you up and take your pictures and let people ooh and aah over how cute you are. I can't wait to see you! I know you'll have blue eyes, since your daddy and I both do, but what color will your hair be? Will you have curls like me or straight hair like your daddy? (Well, we actually probably won't know that until your first or second birthday, given that your dad and I were both bald babies... sorry sweetie!) And I can't wait to get to know you - will you sleep well like I did, or be curious like your daddy and never want to sleep? I can't wait to snuggle with you, even at 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. and 7 a.m. I'm so excited to learn your cries and coos and noises. I don't know the answers to any of those questions, I just know that God has designed the perfect little baby for us! You'll be just what we've always wanted and needed in our first child. That is without doubt or question, since God is in control of it all.

What your Aunt Kristen has been telling me all along (we're so thankful for her - I would have gone crazy without her to badger and ask about every little thing this pregnancy!) is proving true. I'm getting so anxious to meet you and so uncomfortable (don't worry, I forgive you already) that the thought of labor doesn't phase me anymore. Whatever it takes to bring you into this world, that's A-OK with me. I'll do it. So hurry up, OK, my little one?