Week One

I don't believe it, but my calendar probably is more reliable than my sense of time these days, so I guess baby B really is officially one week old today. I already can't imagine life without her, but I also can't see how that much time has passed... Please stop growing up little girl! I would keep you at this age forever if I could.

I can now officially join the masses of mothers who say things like "All the sleepless nights are 100% worth it, don't worry" and "You can't understand how much you're going to love your kids until you have them." It's true. I didn't know I could so instantaneously and completely love something(one) the way I love my daughter. I also understand what parents tell you about getting duped into having multiple children by the first one - our baby B certainly has us hooked! She's not fussy, she cuddles all the time, and she's even let me have 7 hours of sleep the past two nights in a row. She nurses like a champ and has since she was one hour old. Already daddy is saying things like "Lets have 14!" (It took her about 24 hours to have him completely wrapped around her little fingers.)

All-in-all, this is one of the top two life experiences yet - the other is being married. I love being married. I'm just as hooked on being a mom. I even left the hospital saying "That wasn't so bad... I'd do it again to have another one" - and that was after a 33 hour labor! (That sounds worse than it really was, I promise.)

For any other new moms or soon-to-be new moms - here's some stuff that I've found invaluable during these past seven days:

Swaddle blankets by Aden + Anais - I love these! They are a lightweight but warm material that breathes really well, so I don't have to worry about little girl getting too hot or too cold in them. Plus the material has the perfect amount of stretch to it so that daddy (the master swaddler in this house) can get a really snug wrap.

Swaddleme swaddler - Daddy is the master swaddler here, but I'm not so great at getting a tight fit. Since I don't want to wake him up every time I nurse in the middle of the night to re-wrap baby B, I switch her to this. It is perfect for late nights because it only takes about 10 seconds to get her in it, which equals less time for her to get really upset with me for fiddling with her, which means she can fall back asleep a lot more quickly. My only concern is that the material is pretty lightweight, so I'm not sure it would be warm enough in the winter months.

Boppy pillow - Even though baby B nurses like a pro, I've found this pillow extremely useful. It keeps my arms from getting so tired when I nurse/hold her and also makes it easy to lay her down and adjust things when I switch sides with her while nursing. Also - to you soon-to-be moms out there - it's a comfy thing to sit on the first few days after labor if you're not using it for nursing. Just sayin'.

Keeping my fingers crossed that time slows down and week 2 takes longer to pass - I want to cherish every single second of this period of our little one's life. Even the 2 a.m. feedings.

Dear Baby B... Part 2

Your arrival means many things. It means snuggles and diapers and exhaustion and some of the most precious moments of our lives as we get to know your sweet little soul. But on top of all those outward, expected changes, there's a lot more going on.

I'm realizing that I get to grow up with you. Not in the aging sort of way - I refuse to start wearing mom jeans or invest of lots primary color polo shirts - but in the becoming someone new sort of way. Because a lot of how you grow up over the next few years is determined by how I grow up in the next few years. You're coming into this world fresh and new and have to learn everything! And it falls to me and your dad to teach you... everything.

The two best books I've read about how to bring you up have been Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman and The Shaping of a Christian Family by Elisabeth Elliot. They've helped me see that as a parent I'm not raising you, I'm educating you, and not just in the sense of your ABC's and your colors. I'm teaching you what's normal, what a woman should behave like, what the world is like, what is acceptable and unacceptable - teaching you these things every moment of every day. If you hear me complain a lot, you'll learn that complaining is normal and, then, of course you will complain. If you hear me tell your dad how much I love him several times a day, then you will learn that affection is good and part of a healthy marriage. If you see me keep the house in order, then you will learn that things are meant to be kept in order.   In a given day you will be learning hundreds of different things from me - good and bad - and I doubt I'll be aware of more than 10% of what you're picking up. That's a whooole lot of responsibility.

I will probably teach you that it's OK if your bed isn't made every single day. I will almost definitely teach you that it's OK to be grumpy when you're hungry. But by God's grace I hope that I can grow up in all the most important ways so that I can educate you in all the most important things. By His grace I hope to teach you that you have a loving, amazing Heavenly Father who fills this world with hope even when everything seems dark and dreary. I want to teach you that what matters most in this life - far more than money, popularity, or worldly success - is to learn to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. To do that, I've got to be learning those things myself, growing in my understanding of them and, most importantly of all, living my life as though those things are the truest things in the world. God help me.

So, my darling baby girl, I apologize for all the ways that I'm going to screw up in what I teach you. Just remember that I'm growing up too and its a rough and tumble sort of roller coaster we're on together. We'll both screw up, but it shouldn't be any other way.

Dear Baby B... Part 1

We're one month (28 days) away from your due-date. Not so secretly, I hope we're actually closer to 14 or 21 days away from your arrival.  I feel like the past 8 months have flown - but now time is slowing down. I'm so ready for you to be here. So is your daddy - he's been ready even longer than I have been. "I feel like I'm at the starting line for a big race and no one will blow the whistle for it to start," he tells me - and has been telling me for about two or three months now. He's going to love you to pieces and spoil you like every daddy should, and I can't wait to see him at it. You're one lucky little girl!

Your room is ready for you - I've even put things up on the walls and color coordinated all the decorations! Your clothes are all washed, folded and sorted into drawers by size. I hope you're little because you have the cutest collection of 3 month clothes I've ever seen. We just bought the last "must-have" before you arrive - your car seat! I want to go get it professionally put in the car, but we'll see if daddy lets me. He seemed a little offended when I suggested doing that.... He man. He put together crib (perfectly!) and install car seat. I woman. I worry about nursery colors and making actual baby.

I can't wait to dress you up and take your pictures and let people ooh and aah over how cute you are. I can't wait to see you! I know you'll have blue eyes, since your daddy and I both do, but what color will your hair be? Will you have curls like me or straight hair like your daddy? (Well, we actually probably won't know that until your first or second birthday, given that your dad and I were both bald babies... sorry sweetie!) And I can't wait to get to know you - will you sleep well like I did, or be curious like your daddy and never want to sleep? I can't wait to snuggle with you, even at 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. and 7 a.m. I'm so excited to learn your cries and coos and noises. I don't know the answers to any of those questions, I just know that God has designed the perfect little baby for us! You'll be just what we've always wanted and needed in our first child. That is without doubt or question, since God is in control of it all.

What your Aunt Kristen has been telling me all along (we're so thankful for her - I would have gone crazy without her to badger and ask about every little thing this pregnancy!) is proving true. I'm getting so anxious to meet you and so uncomfortable (don't worry, I forgive you already) that the thought of labor doesn't phase me anymore. Whatever it takes to bring you into this world, that's A-OK with me. I'll do it. So hurry up, OK, my little one?

I have good friends

The decision to have children is arguably one of the most difficult decisions that Chris and I are ever going to make as a couple - it's certainly up there in the top five. This is one decision that you make while completely walking in faith, because the list of unknowns when going into pregnancy and parenting could wallpaper one of the Kardashian mansions from floor to ceiling. How will we afford ____ if we have a kid now? What if our baby has health problems? How will we manage work and childcare at the same time? What if we aren't as ready for this as we think we are? What if, what if, what if.... how will we, how will we, how will we.... It's like a broken record mantra providing the soundtrack to my life these days. (Intermixed with random Christmas carol lyrics that I can't get out of my head.)

I don't think its necessary to go into how Chris and I made the decision of baby? yes. now? yes! We couldn't have done it without our faith and trust in the Lord - end of story. But that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is to thank quite a few women in my life who have made it a point to sacrifice much of their time to talk to me, listen to me, calm me down and help me throughout the last 25 weeks. I've interrogated some of you about every weird feeling I've felt, every worry I've had, and I've even dragged one or two of you to the store with me to show me the good, the bad and the wildly unnecessary of baby registries. More than your sacrifice of time and patience, though, I want to thank you ladies for - without fail - encouraging me in Chris' and my decision. Telling me that yes, life is going to be different in three months. Yes, it's going to introduce me to a whole new realm of difficulties. Confirming that, no, I don't have any idea what I'm getting into, not really. But telling me over and over again, without hesitation, that it is 110% worth it. Really, I don't think its possible to comprehend how much of a gift you ladies have been to me.

On that note... I would like to make a gentle request of any readers out there. When you find out that a girlfriend/coworker/sister/female of any association with you is pregnant, please be careful with what you focus on while talking to them about being a mom - the good, the bad, or the ugly. Don't sugarcoat the realities, or lie about the difficulties, but please please please do not take every opportunity to tell her that her life is over or that you hope she doesn't regret this decision  in a couple of years. Fact of the matter is that, except by some act of God, that woman is going to be a mom in approximately 9 months, and focusing on the negatives is only going to make those 9 months miserable, not change the fact that mommyhood approaches. Instead, choose to build her up in hope, good sense, and the understanding that she does not need every item on the suggested registry list at Babies 'R' Us.

behold. children are a gift of the LORD, 

the fruit of the womb is a reward... {psalm 127:3}

every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down
from the father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change {james 1:17}

It's a library! I mean, a girl!

One of the things I've looked forward to most about having kids - I probably day-dreamed about this much more than I ever day-dreamed about my wedding - is giving them their first books. From Good Dog Carl and Dr. Seuss to Fancy Nancy to Harry Potter, I can't imagine something more exciting than giving little baby Cates her first books.

I haven't registered yet, have no clue what type of stroller or infant car seat I want, and I haven't even glanced at baby clothes or diapers, but Pebbles has four books already! I'm starting her off strong with:

Fancy Nancy and the Mermaid Ballet by Jane O'Connor

The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn

The Napping House by Audrey Wood

&& We're Going on a Bear Hunt by Michael Rosen

Obviously those first two are a bit old for an unborn (or a newborn, or even a 1 year old) but they are just too fantastic not to purchase. Fancy Nancy teaches vocabulary and she's so wonderfully girly and the pictures are all covered in glitter. What's not to love when you're a little girl? Then there's Audrey Penn, who came to my elementary school when I was 8 and talked all about writing books and that's when I decided - I remember this moment vividly - that I wanted to be an author, and I've been writing ever since. All of her books have a special place in my heart as a result, and The Kissing Hand is one of the sweetest books out there for preparing kids to go to school.

Even as I write this post I keep remembering other books that I want to get for her - like The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore! Sandra Boynton! - and I'm pretty sure that she'll have more books than diapers by the time she's born. At least I have my priorities straight.

I'm trying to avoid thinking about chapter books yet because seriously, lets not get too crazy. She won't be reading those for about 5 years. I can wait to stock up on those, I really really think I can... try to. But does anyone have a recommendation or two for picture and board books? 

Holidays 2012

November into December is always a crazy time of year. Holiday shopping, juggling the dozens of family and friend events, decorating, working, trying not to gain too much holiday weight, etc. etc., leads to the most hectic 60 days in a row that anyone can possibly handle. However, never have I ever gone into a season quite like Holiday Season 2012. 

We have been married a little over a year now, and are still figuring out this whole marriage thing (though recently I've realized that that will always be true. You don't figure out marriage as if there's some secret and a formula to success, you simply commit to marriage and hope to figure out a few tricks along the way.) 

We have a bun in the oven (only 109 days until baby girl's arrival!) 

I've just taken the plunge and made the decision to start a home business through Stella & Dot.

Chris has multiple job applications in at different places and we wait with baited breath, hoping he'll get a new job soon. 

We have no dishwasher. 

Its very easy for me to sit back and look at our life and get more than a little overwhelmed. There's so many moving parts and pieces and so much unknown. But through it all there is one piece that is unmovable, unchangeable, and that I full know and trust - that piece that has served as the foundation of Chris' and my marriage, the only sure foundation for anything: 'we know that for those who love God all things will work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.' (Rom. 8:38). 

So more than fighting in the aisles of Wal-Mart or figuring out when and where we need to see different people, this season is a daily battle of faith for me. Faith for having this baby now when many people would tell us to wait until we'd been married longer; faith to start a home business when I've never done anything like it; faith that God is up to something with how Chris' career path is moving even though we can't see it at all; faith that is rooted in the understanding that God is the one ultimately in control, ultimately planning our steps, and mapping out our life from an all-loving, wise perspective that I can't even fathom. 

I intend to use this blog to chronicle our adventures as we step forward in faith each day, how God is working in our lives to change us for His glory and our good. It's happening anyway, so I might as well write about it, right? Come along for the ride.