I don't think its necessary to go into how Chris and I made the decision of baby? yes. now? yes! We couldn't have done it without our faith and trust in the Lord - end of story. But that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is to thank quite a few women in my life who have made it a point to sacrifice much of their time to talk to me, listen to me, calm me down and help me throughout the last 25 weeks. I've interrogated some of you about every weird feeling I've felt, every worry I've had, and I've even dragged one or two of you to the store with me to show me the good, the bad and the wildly unnecessary of baby registries. More than your sacrifice of time and patience, though, I want to thank you ladies for - without fail - encouraging me in Chris' and my decision. Telling me that yes, life is going to be different in three months. Yes, it's going to introduce me to a whole new realm of difficulties. Confirming that, no, I don't have any idea what I'm getting into, not really. But telling me over and over again, without hesitation, that it is 110% worth it. Really, I don't think its possible to comprehend how much of a gift you ladies have been to me.
On that note... I would like to make a gentle request of any readers out there. When you find out that a girlfriend/coworker/sister/female of any association with you is pregnant, please be careful with what you focus on while talking to them about being a mom - the good, the bad, or the ugly. Don't sugarcoat the realities, or lie about the difficulties, but please please please do not take every opportunity to tell her that her life is over or that you hope she doesn't regret this decision in a couple of years. Fact of the matter is that, except by some act of God, that woman is going to be a mom in approximately 9 months, and focusing on the negatives is only going to make those 9 months miserable, not change the fact that mommyhood approaches. Instead, choose to build her up in hope, good sense, and the understanding that she does not need every item on the suggested registry list at Babies 'R' Us.
behold. children are a gift of the LORD,
the fruit of the womb is a reward... {psalm 127:3}
every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down
from the father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change {james 1:17}
from the father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change {james 1:17}
Notes from a first-year mom.
ReplyDeleteHere's the thing: life isn't over when you have a baby. Sleep is. But life isn't. In fact, I would venture to say that life starts anew -- and the vestiges of the past life get richer.
Here's another thing: babies are not, really, as expensive or as troublesome as many make them out to be. Perhaps the starting-the-college-fund thing is expensive. And childcare in the DC area can certainly be a drain on resources. But, really, diapers and clothes won't absorb nearly as much of the disposable income as you think.
Here's another thing: breastfeeding, if you choose to do it, is the hardest and most difficult thing to do -- no class can really cover the emotional and physical rawness of the experience. But breastfeeding, if you choose to do it, is also an amazing practice. (I share this because I was most startled by both the difficulty and the pleasure of this one small piece of new parenthood. And while plenty of people had plenty of things to say about every aspect of new parenthood, nobody seemed willing to talk about nursing. And telling you is my way of reducing some of the 'sugarcoating' that might glaze the first two points.)
See, I absolutely love being a parent. I also love being me. I love sharing time with my baby. I love heading out to work. I love coming home. I love strapping the baby in the baby carrier and taking long walks. I love photographing him. I love changing diapers and calming him -- even in the middle of the night. All aspects of this journey are interesting and fascinating.
At some level, I wish that I had realized these things a bit earlier. We, like you, were married fairly early (well, we were in comparison to the rest in our circle of friends). We were stable, financially and relationship-wise. We had all of the support networks in place.
But I worried ad naseum that a baby would cramp career aspirations or stilt my relationship with my husband. I worried that I would no longer be able to travel or vacation or tie my shoes.
The worries were, I think, a bit misplaced. Baby doesn't rob you of the things you do or want. Baby may change the way you decide and will certainly demand that you plan ahead. Some things are more difficult with baby. Some things are different. But... "Have baby; Will Travel [explore/live/think/play/do]."
Here's the last thing: even with the Cadillac of strollers, the BMW of infant seats, and all of the other "top of the line" things that I insisted that I needed, all I've really needed is to have the baby close (and a method to transport him that doesn't kill my arms and back). So, most of the time, traveling means making sure that I remember the baby carrier.
These notes may or may not shed insight or light on your musings. But I hope that, at some level, they help confirm your choices and help orient you.